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Face

Swipe Right On These Beauty Products’ Dating Profiles

by James Kelley

@kaiagerber

• By James Kelley

There’s plenty of fish in the sea — you just have to swipe left on some duds to find them. Unfortunately, the same thing goes for beauty products. Who among us hasn’t been heartbroken over a routine gone wrong? If only it were as simple as a dating app — we can imagine, right? Here are some products you’d definitely want to swipe right on.

GOLDE Clean Greens Face Mask

– About Me: I’m most comfortable at home in a robe, with a kettle of tea heating up on the stove and some light base on the Bose. Sometimes active, never drink, never smoke, and love a good supplement.

– Lazy Sunday mornings are non-negotiable 🧖‍♀️

– I never shut up about: the planet! Your life will be a little greener with me in it.

– I’m an acquired taste, but if you like me, you love me!

 

Malin+Goetz Cleansing Oil

– About Me: I come from a long line of winners, and I’m no exception! My best trait is that I get along with all types of people.

– If it were up to me, everyone would feel great about themselves, and look just as good!

– Which is more important to you: Dewy or clean? With me, you don’t have to choose.

– My greatest strength is I’ll help you cut out things in your life that you don’t need. ✂️

 

Lanshin Sculpting Spoon

– About Me: A little different from the partners you’ve picked before, but once you have me you’ll think, “God, what have I been missing?” 

– Luxury-loving, routine-oriented, and certified in Chinese medicine.

– We’ll get along best if you see me regularly — I’ll always put in the time and lift you up 🙌 

– My love language is physical touch.

EltaMD UV Lip Balm

– About Me: Very active, love the outdoors, reliable, and very protective!

– Favorite quality in a person? A cautious thinker 🧠

– Some think of me as a summer fling, but I’m in it for the long haul. 

– Don’t hate me if you get hooked.

 

Biologique Recherche Lotion P50

– About Me: born in Paris and hard to find. If you look hard enough, you’ll see me around the globe — always somewhere luxurious.

– I’m passionate about what I do, but I can be a little *too* intense for some.

– We’ll get along if you can put up with me in the morning.

– Looking to get pampered? I always know the best spot in town 💅

 

Supernal Cosmic Glow Oil

– About Me: I’ll bring out the best in you! Vibrant and not afraid to stand out.

– Absolute clean freak who always keeps it au naturel 🌱

– I love rainy days in, working from home, and the occasional “sick” day in bed (binging Netflix of course).

– If we get together, you’ve got to give me time — I don’t work magic over night!