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Sex

We’re All Adults Here, So Let’s Get Real About Pussy Worship

by Michaela d'Artois

• By Michaela d'Artois

Here’s a patriarchy-abolishing concept if you’re in the market for one: pussy worship. In our relentless revolution to take back the P word (whose origins are murky but potentially come from the word Pusillanimous, which means ‘cowardly’), we offer you a way of celebratory ritual to fight against an enduring history of making us feel bad about our vulvas.

So what exactly is pussy worship? While we will speak to this in terms of female genitalia, you can use this practice to worship any part of any body. The first time I ever heard this practice directly addressed was by sexologist Juliet Allen, who speaks of the pussy as a temple, one deserving of “deep reverence, love, and full respect.” In simplest terms, pussy worship is the act of setting aside time with a partner or yourself to give undivided attention to one another. Done correctly, it has the power to unlock a whole world of positive effects for both/all partners involved, including deeper connections, confidence, and greater physical pleasure, and can be the ultimate trust-building exercise. Sign us up!

Busy sex lives can become like your tried and true Postmates order: the preferences have been set, all you really have to do is accept, and the whole ordeal can be over in less than 20 minutes — but it’s never as good as you want it to be. The often forgotten ingredient? Slowing down, to being present, and giving and receiving in the most conscious ways. As masters of control over our own lives (or at least constantly striving to be), it’s rare that we take time to become open to the act of being worshipped, or accept the offering of pleasure. In many ways this practice is an art of receiving, of submission to pleasure through trust. If you’re someone who has a hard time relinquishing your power, this could be a great and safe way to start.

The reason this act can be so powerful is it can come to represent the divide between normal mundane life and its tasks, and an erotic journey you may be embarking on. It gives time for the mind and body to shift from a reeling to-do list to intentionally dropping into the moment, the same way we may need a few moments of fidgeting to find comfort in a meditation practice. And on that note, read on for the best pussy worship practices, if you will.

How to begin

While Allen suggests you begin on your knees facing your partner’s vulva, I see this practice as more of a freestyle event. However, like all rituals, it should begin with intention. Create a clear beginning to the session by setting the ambiance, making sure your partner is comfortable and relaxed, and creating an expansive environment for you to both be open and undisturbed. I suggest turning off phones and locking bedroom doors for privacy.

Untether your practice from sexual performance (or completion)

At its core, pussy  worship is an art of receiving — a department many of us are lacking in.
We have been conditioned to set out in any and all sexual adventures with the end goal of orgasm, but this is neither erotically mature or always necessary. In Marty Klein’s book Sexual Intelligence, he reminds us, “what really matters in sex isn’t the things you can measure; it’s how people feel.” In the practice of pussy worship, you set out only to offer sensory and emotional pleasure, no strings attached. If the receiver comes to orgasm, it’s just bonus points! This reminds us that not all pleasurable activities have to be aimed toward a marker of success. Triumph can simply be in showering your partner in affection, while being present in the moment. Plus if you’re someone who sometimes takes a little longer to warm up sexually, this practice can be just what the doctor ordered.

“It’s rare that we take time to become open to the act of being worshipped, or accept the offering of pleasure.

Speak kindly

While dirty talk has gone mainstream, we overlook the power of kind speech when it is directed toward your partner’s (or your own!) body. Japanese scientist Dr. Masaru Emoto once took on this idea as an experiment, where he spoke kind words to three jars of rice submerged in water. The one he spoke unkindly to turned rancid and black, the one he spoke kindly to fermented beautifully, and the one he ignored molded. Words that carry love, affection, and admiration have the power to deeply affect not just our sense of self-worth, but how we feel about our physical selves, overall and in the moment. Speaking kindly can be as simple as praising the physical attributes of your partner’s genitals, or as detailed as I love your ___ because it allows me to ___.

All hands on deck

A big component of connecting with ourselves and our partners is physical touch — it’s a basic human need. Counter to what the name implies, pussy worship does is not solely focused on genitals and does not mean you have to jump straight to erotic stimulation. Try a few different approaches, including giving your partner a full body massage paired with the aforementioned kind words. Or you can begin with a few minutes of eye-gazing and deep, synced breathing, before moving your gaze south.

Be the giver

If you’re the partner doling out the adoration, be intentional about your words and actions. Be aware of and take inspiration from what your partner may need to hear at that moment. Remember, all humans want to be seen and loved as they are. This is solely about them — a gift if you will. Check in, communicate clearly, and make sure they are feeling comfortable and supported, as they may also be fighting against their own urge to deflect attention.

Do it, solo

By no means do you have to wait for a partner to try pussy worship! Self-exploration is a great way to gain self-awareness. Think of this as the gateway to understanding your desire on a whole new level. This can look like grabbing your handheld mirror and calling out what you like about yourself. It can look like self-massage with beautiful oils, or even just self-pleasuring while visualizing yourself in a kind and beautiful light. The more you do this practice, the more you rewire your neural pathways to believe these kind things.If you’re someone who often finds themselves comparing yourself to others, use this time to celebrate what’s beautiful and sacred about you!