True Life: I used to be part of an extreme wellness cult. For legal reasons, I cannot name the cult. Just kidding, it was CAP Beauty, the “Beauty is Wellness” and “Begin Within” mecca of high vibrations nestled within New York City’s West Village. I say that with love, because the cult joke was self proclaimed among all of us who worked there. But you know how when you’re surrounded by people who are all doing extreme things, you get desensitized and the behaviors become normalized? That was CAP. They threw 6 wellness-obsessed people into an office together, and what they got was goop on steroids.
I’ve always been prone to trying new wellness-related things, but with this whole community at my fingertips, the world became my oyster. Past life regression? Sign me up. Colonics? Let’s do it. Biohacking? Say no more. I was game, and so were all my coworkers.
As the CEO of participating in crazy wellness trends, I am qualified to share with you the 10 craziest wellness trends I have ever personally participated in, ranked. Some of the things on this list I look back on and cringe, and some I still do to this day.
Ok I get it, this is not that crazy. Pinterest is filled with millions of keto recipes, making it certifiably mainstream. That’s why it’s number 10 on this list. What was, in fact, crazy about me participating in the keto trend was that I was both vegetarian and dairy-free. This meant that the staple of my diet was organic pasture-raised eggs, with a side of ghee, avocado and roasted cauliflower. I ate this in different forms for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
People go NUTS for this class. Taryn is a press darling, and her devotees spread her word like the gospel. But I’m the type of person who can’t make loud noises in the privacy of my own home, never mind scream at the top of my lungs and cry in a room full of physically exquisite and beautiful accessorized Tribeca moms. To say I was nervous for this class is an understatement. To say that I really enjoyed it is also not untrue. Did I ever go again? No. But I’m glad I did that once.
8: IV Drips
It may seem strange to subject yourself to intravenous fluids for fun, but all is fair in the name of wellness. Is it expensive? Yes. Is it effective? I think so! I did it then, and I do it now. Pro tip: they’re especially beneficial when you get sick (hangovers included).
“Past life regression? Sign me up. Colonics? Let’s do it. Biohacking? Say no more.”
7: Facial Acupuncture
This is… fine. The idea of sticking a bunch of acupuncture needles in my face excites me, because beauty is pain, and clearly I like trying weird things. But in terms of results, I prefer microcurrent. I love Chinese medicine, but for now, I prefer the more traditional acupuncture points throughout the body.
I still stand by blue light blocking glasses and freezing myself in cryotherapy chambers. Moving on.
I’ve had a few colonics in my life, and I don’t like them. I just don’t. I always regret spending money on them. Special shoutout to “shamanic colonics” which are an actual thing, although something I personally draw the line at.
I don’t remember doing this—does that mean it worked? Maybe. I know I went to a hypnosis appointment, but I can’t put my finger on what exactly it consisted of. The lack of recall made it very weird, very mysterious, and very extreme wellness.
3: Location Astrology
This is by far my favorite thing on the list. I have my location astrologer on speed dial, and I’m not kidding when I say I literally ask her everything. But to break it down, location astrology is Costar meets Google Maps. It’s a way to map out your best places to live, work and love. Get your birth time ready, and call an astrocartographer, STAT.
2: Adaptogens and fermented foods
These two foods were the majority of my diet for a year of my life. I would still recommend them, just not… exclusively, or as your major food group.
1: 30 Bananas a Day
This is so ridiculously embarrassing that I don’t even want to talk about it. But I will, because I’m selfless, and also silly enough to try and eat 30 bananas a day. This was in the beginning of my vegan phase, and high-carb, low-fat, mostly raw diets were all the rage online. Would you believe me if I told you I would order industrial crates of bananas to be delivered to my apartment? I can’t even imagine what my neighbors were thinking. Is there a monkey living in there? No, just a 20 something girl trying to get in her 30+ bananas a day. I think it goes without saying but, definitely don’t try this.